i really nv expected it wld be u to have brought such hurt to me.
even if there was nth gg on, y cant we just be frens?
i really dont understand.
n y didnt u just tell me it was just a crush?
i dont eat ppl up.
i just wanted to know the truth.
u noe how much i hated empty promises n empty talks.
yet ur the one who hit me rock-bottom on those.
i was really crying my heart out for u n all i got was not a single response.
if u didnt wanna hurt me, den y cant we be frens?
i was so listless the past few days.
ah ching was so worried, she cried for me over the phone.
so last night when i cried, i didnt dare talk to her.
i told her that i was busy. busy doing wad? crying.
i just didnt want her to worry for me.
i admit, i lied to her saying her that i had flu, hence my voice sounded blocked.
i noe she didnt believe me.
im sorry to make her worry.
up till now, i really dont dare to tell her bout this.
only PL knows.
only PL knows what i was gg thru.
only she understands.
only she, i can pour out my grievence to.
PL, if ur reading this, i wanna tell u that u mean alot to me.
u were there to hear my draggy-drama-ridiclous love stories.
ur very much being LOVED n APPRECIATED.
i wanna thank u n ah ching for guiding me thru my darkest times.
only u two show me the meaning of TRUE.
as for xxxx xxx, im really disappointed in u.
i nv expected this kinda thing to be done to me.
this kinda hurt is really inbearable.
realised that my life has been revolving round this kinda cycle.
frm the very start, we were a mistake.
a mistake that would leave a scar in my heart close to forever.
one that ill remember, maybe one that i will hate.
i hope i didnt make u feel guilty.if i did, just take it as im spouting crap.
i guess only my dearest PL n ah ching wld know what kinda cycle ive been thru.
nevertheless, i still gotta tell myself that its not the end of the world.
i wanna find strong spirit back in me.
im not gonna let my friends worry bout me no more.
im not gonna let all this kinda shit get into my life anymore.
this means, ive grown stronger.
i wont give any more chances to anyone.
this life is ruthless.
its cruel to me, so y shld i be kind to ppl who treat me like dirt.
i totally give up.
im really really really tired of all this shit.
physically, mentally n emotionally.
i didnt slp a wink last night.
skipped half the lecture today with PL.
didnt go back for lecture aft our break.
we were pouring out our fears n woes.
no mood for lecture, no mood for everything.
im not gonna look back.
i gotta tell myself that this is just a passing phase.
i'll pick myself up cux nobody wld pick me up.
i better swipe that strong facade off my face n face up to reality.
i hope for a better day tmr.
tears r filling my eyes.
but i hope its for the last time im ever gonna shed tears.
im so sorry.
this is not supposed to be a self-pity entry.
im just gonna put a full stop to everything.
im tired.